We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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