I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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