i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize