Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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