I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize