I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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