i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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