i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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