So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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