The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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