i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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