anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize