Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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