I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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