Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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