Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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