i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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