Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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