Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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