Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
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AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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