its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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