With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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