3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize