I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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