Don't you send me to vm
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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