I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize