I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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