after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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