tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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