So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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