i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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