She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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