I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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