I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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