I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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