i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize