We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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