her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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