How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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