Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize