i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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