Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
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Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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