My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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