i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize