The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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