he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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