pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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