Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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