i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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