Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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